Feature
The List: Ones to Avoid
Not all festival films are good, as Becky Bartlett discovers. Here she helps you save some valuable time and money.
The Rebound Director: Bart Freundlich Release date: 30 July 2010 Don't get us wrong, here at LIFM we love a good rom-com. It's just that recently, the tripe that's been churned out has left us feeling sad and worried about the genre. We hoped that the simple inclusion of The Rebound in EIFF's programme meant it was smart, funny or original. We were duped. What is most likely simply a vehicle to allow Catherine Zeta Jones snog someone twenty years younger than her for a change is not entertaining in any way. It blends a bizarre mix of gross-out with some wildly inappropriate parenting, and while the first half is only irritating in its mediocrity, the last few scenes are not only cringeworthy, but overwhelmingly annoying, proving that one should always live the cliché, and that Indian orphans are really the new accessory.
Huge Director: Ben Miller Release date: 2010 Huge follows two hapless men determined to become the next great comedian double act, but suffers from a colossal lapse in judgement – it is not funny. Not one little bit. In fact, it's not even worth an unenthusiastic pity-giggle. This is a shame, for on paper, it sounds promising. Boasting cameo appearances from almost every current British comedian (Jack Dee, Eddie Izzard, Alan Davies, Harry Hill and many others), the reality is that they feature once in a crowd scene, and are never given the opportunity to open their mouths. A shame really, as they actually are funny. Watching Huge, one almost wonders if Miller has created a deliberately down-beat, ironic non-comedy, but sadly no matter how welcoming it is to see Noel Clarke in a different role, the incessant declarations of his comedy quality from other characters simply reinforces the audience's knowledge that he is not even remotely entertaining. The result? A desperate, dull and embarrassingly bland film.
Outcast Director: Colm McCarthy Release date: unknown McCarthy's film seemed promising on the outset, and the first thirty minutes or so are atmospheric and unsettling, setting the scene for a weird, pagan Wicker-Man-in-a-high-rise-council-estate, but it's all downhill from there. Kate Dickie's performance is a powerful one, while James Nesbitt successfully portrays a grizzled, bearded hitman of some sorts, but as the story progresses the plot holes increase, until all that's left is a garbled, incoherent mess. It seems as though there's a good story there somewhere, but it's been buried under a mass of gore, dead crows and confused witchcraft, while there are several revelations at the end that were so blatantly obvious, we at LIFM still can't decide if they were supposed to be twists. And while Monsters proved simplicity and subtlety is key, Outcast is yet another film that has allowed dodgy CGI to destroy any chance of scares.
Cherry Tree Lane Director: Paul Andrew Williams Release date: unknown Williams may have created a film that divides audiences, for we can see some reasons for championing it – it looks stylish and distinctive, it feels realistic and the characters are utterly believable and well acted. Yet these are just as much the problems as the perks. Under eighty minutes long, Williams' desire for realism has turned eighty minutes into an eternity of mindless banality, with the majority of the film devoid of action, plot progression or anything other than some young ASBO hooligans banging on about respect and retribution. With the exception of two brief scenes, Cherry Tree Lane is devoid of music, which, rather than creating tension, simply adds to the never-ending tone, while two of the central characters (who seem rather dislikeable anyway) spend the majority of the running time tied up and gagged. Williams may have attempted to create his own Funny Games, but Cherry Tree Lane's realism is its downfall – everyone is irritating and dull, and the film drags to an unsatisfactory conclusion, if we can call it that.
A Spanking in Paradise Director: Wayne Thallon Release date: unknown Screened as part of EIFF's Under the Radar strand, Thallon's film is so far beneath the radar, it doesn't seem to even have an Imdb page, and it is highly doubtful it will ever resurface again. Influenced by the director's childhood experiences of his uncle's criminal dealings, the tale of an upstanding young lawyer who works at his uncle's “massage parlour” before heading to America for a prestigious job is a dull, dubious affair. Filled with mindless anecdotes attempting to be daring jokes, the script is poorly written and suffers, like another British film mentioned here, from being woefully unfunny, while Thallon seems undecided as to whether the prostitutes working at the parlour enjoy their life or not, so the film's tone wobbles on numerous occasions. It's not funny enough to be shocking, or sexy enough to be erotic, and the only emotion felt is one of apathy mingled with a slightly bitter aftertaste.
Becky Bartlett
